| 1 |
9/26/1961 |
“Clem the Unkissable” Clem Kadiddlehopper wins a lucky ticket and comes to Hollywood to accept his reward but, unbeknownst to him, he is to be kissed by the glamourous movie star Lorelei. The plan hits a snag when Clem refuses to kiss Lorelei. 1: Monologue, Jokes about television. Took Valentina to see the statue of General Grant. Bomb shelters 10 years to pay. |
| 2 |
10/3/1961 |
“Appleby’s Marriage License” It seems that long-suffering George Appleby, a perennial whipping boy for his domineering wife, has uncovered a startling fact. The judge who married them years ago forgot to sign the marriage certificate. 1: Monologue, Jokes about wives and marriage. 2: Pantomime, The Psychiatrist. |
| 3 |
10/10/1961 |
“Freddie’s Benefactor” Freddie the Freeloader and his pal, Muggsy, return from one of their gutter-and-junk-pile forays to discover that someone has lavishly redecorated their shack. 1: Monologue (no notes provided due to secretary’s absence) |
| 4 |
10/17/1961 |
“Deadeye and the Gunslinger” Deadeye is a crooked sheriff making a fat dishonest living until Kate, the saloon girl, wires San Francisco for Mr. Pallid, who rides into town to shoot it out with the sheriff. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Texas. Jokes about sports cars. Jokes about the West. 2: Pantomime, Going to a drive-in movie. When you are tired of looking at the picture, there are so many other things to watch.  |
| 5 |
10/24/1961 |
“Sing Along With Cauliflower” Bobby Rydell invests in pugilist Cauliflower McPugg and gets a glimpse of him in action. He finds the fighter fast asleep in a large punching bag. 1: Monologue, Joke about the meeting of the big four. 2: Pantomime, An old actor playing the same part he played 40 years ago. |
| 6 |
10/31/1961 |
“Freddie’s Romance” Looking for a free meal, Freddie the Freeloader crashes a party. He falls into the clutches of the hostess, Mrs. Burton, who thinks he might make a suitable husband for her daughter, Phyllis. 1: Monologue, Jokes about marriage. 2: Pantomime, The little old man and the little boy. Seeing that is is Halloween, the little boy thinks he will play a few pranks on the little old man. |
| 7 |
11/7/1961 |
“The Almost Late George Appleby” Clara Appleby thinks hubby George ought to be insured just in case something should happen and leave her destitute. Mr. Baxter, the insurance agent, doubles his business. He talks George into taking out the same kind of policy on Clara. 1: Monologue, Jokes about insurance policies. Jokes about sports cars. 2: Pantomime, A guy going to the drive-in movie alone. |
| 8 |
11/14/1961 |
“Clem’s Other Clem” The wealthy and snobbish Van Clives learn about a mix-up at the hospital years ago. Actually, their son, Lawrence, is a Kadiddlehopper and Clem is really a Van Clive. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Red’s stay in the hospital. Jokes about doctors. 2: Pantomime, The effect some of these TV medical programs have on the average viewer. |
| 9 |
11/21/1961 |
“Once Upon a Turkey” Freddie the Freeloader and his pal, Muggsy, plan on carving the bird at a skidrow mission but they arrive after all the turkey is gone. The pair begin their quest anew and wind up on a turkey farm. Monologue, Jokes about Thanksgiving. Jokes about Red’s relatives during Thanksgiving. Pantomime, Having his relatives over and especially loves to watch them eat. How they all look when they sit down. Aunt Sadie, she’s the delicate eater. Cousin Arnold, he’s a chewer. His doctor told him that all food must be chewed thoroughly. |
| 10 |
11/28/1961 |
“The Great Brain Robbery” Dr. Prager plans to send a gorilla into space with a human’s brain. He has the ape but still needs the brain. Meanwhile, George Appleby, who presumably has a human brain, is being urged to work for Dr. Prager as a lab assistant. 1: Monologue, Jokes about when Red was on the road. Jokes about Gypsy Rose Lee. Jokes about the freeway. Joke about how to quit smoking. Jokes about airplanes. 2: Pantomime, A kid with his first chemisty set. |
| 11 |
12/5/1961 |
“Mr. K Goes to College” Clem Kadiddlehopper decides to get an education and enrolls in Kadiddlehopper College, which was founded by his great-grandfather. 1: Monlogue, Jokes about school. 2: Pantomime, A little boy’s first day in school |
| 12 |
12/12/1961 |
“San Fernando and the Kaaka Maami Island” San Fernando Red is dealing thick and fast in bogus real estate. Tourists appear to be his biggest pigeons. 1: Monologue, Jokes about travelling. Jokes about tropical islands. |
| 13 |
12/19/1961 |
“Freddie and the Yuletide Doll” A Christmas story in pantomime. Freddie the Freeloader, alone and lonely as Christmas approaches, finds a rag doll he can call his own. No Monologue. |
| 14 |
12/26/1961 |
“Appleby’s Office Party” George Appleby’s troubles start at the office party and wife Clara takes it from there. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Dean Martin. Jokes about New Year’s and returing Christmas gifts. New Year’s resolutions |
| 15 |
1/2/1962 |
“Nothing But the Tooth” A breakfast food manufacturer brings Clem Kadiddlehopper to television to substantiate Clem’s claim that the cereal makes his teeth strong. 1: Monologue, Jokes about teeth. How to solve the Cuban problem. 2: Pantomime, When a mother takes her kid in for his first haircut. |
| 16 |
1/9/1962 |
“Freddie, Willing and Able” Freddie the Freeloader and his pal, Muggsy, are wintering in Palm Springs and need unemployment insurance. Freddie learns he must first get a job in order to collect unemployment insurance. He takes a job in a department store. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Palm Springs. Jokes about Bikinis. Georgia going for a finger wave. A little boy and his mom ran over his bike. Sinatra’s home in Palm Springs. The two stuttering blacksmiths. |
| 17 |
1/16/1962 |
“Appleby’s Anniversary” Clara Appleby expects a substantial anniversary present from her henpecked husband, George, or else. 1: Monologue, Jokes about marriages. Jokes about wedding anniversaries. 2: Pantomime, The different ways men react at a wedding. |
| 18 |
1/23/1962 |
“Clem and the Kadiddlehopper Hop” Daisy June teaches the twist to Clem Kadiddlehopper and drags him to a local dance where a television dance contest is being held. Clem brings his pet termites and creates a new dance craze. Monologue, Due to secretary bing ill, no notes kept on the taping of this show. |
| 19 |
1/30/1962 |
“The Many Skeltons in Las Vegas” Red is starring in a nightclub act when things suddenly get out of hand. First, Freddie the Freeloader tries to take over the stage for his own act, followed by Clem Kadiddlehopper, who doesn’t have his own act but wants to horn in on Red’s. Meanwhile, out in the casino, George Appleby is bitten by the gambling bug while Willie Lump-Lump holds forth at the bar. 1: Monologue, none. |
| ! |
2/6/1962 |
[Henry Fonda and the Family TV Special] |
| 20 |
2/13/1962 |
“Freddie and the Landlord” Freddie the Freeloader and his pal, Muggsy, are planning their annual winter trip to Florida when Muggsy comes up with an idea. Freddie can make some extra money while he’s vacationing by subletting his shack at the city dump. 1: Monologue, Jokes about houses. Homes in Bel Air. Houses that Red lived in when he was so poor. You have to be on your toes at all times. Men that clean their pipes by knocking them against the wall. Ford boys never owned a Rolls. |
| 21 |
2/20/1962 |
“The Iceman Goeth” George Appleby is still being roasted by his wife Clara’s hot temper. He decides a little inventive genius is required to cope with the situations. 1: Monologue, Jokes about our great inventors. Jokes about the world was supposed to come to an end. |
| 22 |
2/27/1962 |
“Calling Dr. Kadiddlehopper” Major General Hospital is in dire financial straits and Dr. Wilcox tells his staff they must collect all unpaid bills immediately. Dr. Wilcox himself sets out to collect one that’s been overdue for 35 years for the birth of Clem Kadiddlehopper. 1: Monologue, Jokes about hospitals. Jokes about medical shows on TV. 2: Pantomime, The different ways different doctors give hypodermic shots. |
| 23 |
3/6/1962 |
“Appleby’s Bearded Boarder” George Appleby not only puts in a full day at the office but he also has to do the housework when he gets home. But wife Clara still doesn’t think that she’s living as luxurious as she should. So Clara decides to rent out the extra room. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Hindu Fakirs. Jokes about diets. 2: Pantomime, Different ways men act down at Muscle Beach. |
| 24 |
3/13/1962 |
“The Nine Lives of Freddie” Freddie the Freeloader is enjoying his usual park bench when he sees gangster Big Mike murder a fellow mobster named Little Augie. Then Big Mike proceeds to frame Freddie for the crime. 1: Monologue, Jokes about crime. Jokes about violence. 2: Pantomime, Policeman Officer Clancy and how he used to steal an apple a day from the fruit stand. |
| 25 |
3/20/1962 |
“The Bride of Bolivar” Piper weds her gardener to keep pace in the marriage race. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Hollywood marriage. Jokes about divorce. Jokes about Hollywood movies. 2: Pantomime, Stars are discovered in the strangest ways. |
| ! |
3/27/1962 |
Repeat of episode 09.31 but McPugg part was edited due the death of boxer Benny “Kid” Paret. |
| ! |
4/3/1962 |
“San Fernando and Herbie” a repeat of 5/23/1961 |
| 26 |
4/10/1962 |
“Clem and the Dalton Girls” Clem Kadiddlehopper’s barn becomes the hideout for the Dalton girls. It all begins when Clem enters the barn to do his daily chores and is held captive by the girl bandits. 1: Monologue, Jokes about the big crime is counterfeiting. 2: Pantomime, A Western gun fight between the good guy and the bad guy. |
| 27 |
4/17/1962 |
“Pantomimic Presentation of a Person’s Problems in a Park” Freddie the Freeloader is aroused from slumber under his favorite park bench by a police officer and finds himself faced with his usual morning problem of where to find breakfast. 1: Monologue, Jokes about how the silent film stars really knew how to live. Jokes about how Hollywood hasn’t changed since the days of silent pictures. Jokes about how they have ads for the pictures nowadays. Jokes about Red when he came to Hollywood to get into pictures. |
| 28 |
4/24/1962 |
How To Think Up A Television Title Without Being Sued” A tough boss makes the mistake of elevating George Appleby to a vice presidency in the firm. 1: Monologue, Jokes about how to become successful in business. Jokes about women drivers. 2: Pantomime, A husband getting the dishes ready for the dishwasher. |
| ! |
5/1/1962 |
“Freddie’s Masterpiece” a repeat of 3/15/1960] |
| 29 |
5/8/1962 |
“Rock on the Wild Side” The government launches a search for Mary Todd Lincoln’s rocker and finds it in Clem Kadiddlehopper’s barn. 1: Monologue, Jokes about Washington and President Kennedy. Two maintenance men cleaning a lawn but it’s too late. Me and the City National Bank. 2: Pantomime, A small boy with a sling shot killing a sparrow. |
| 30 |
5/15/1962 |
“Go, Van, Gogh” Clara Appleby has taken up painting and art patroness, Mrs. Wellington, may subsidize her new career if she likes Clara’s latest creation. Then husband George sticks his hand through the canvas. 1: Monolgue, Jokes about hobbies. 2: Pantomime, Liberace playing the player piano. |
| 31 |
5/22/1962 |
“Best Man Blues” Millionaire Howard Snyder is going to marry society siren Goo Goo in a well-publicized ceremony. But society is in for a surprise because Snyder’s best man is none other than Freddie the Freeloader. 1: Monologue, Jokes about summer vacations. |
| 32 |
5/29/1962 |
“This Goon for Hire” A Dr. Pomerantz has invented a machine that he claims can select the perfect individual for every occupation. By way of an acid test, the doctor asks his machine to find the right job for Clem Kadiddlehopper. 1: Monologue, Jokes about different jobs a man can hold. Jokes about when Red was in Vaudeville. Joke about I was applauding the hissing. She was down to nothing so she peeled the grape. Pantomime, About a couple of fellows who just finished a very expensive lunch in a very swanky restaurant. And most important, who’s gonna pay the check. |
| ! |
6/5/1962 |
“Appleby’s Cufflinks” a repeat of 4/11/1961 |
| 33 |
6/12/1962 |
“Freddie and the Daily Freeloader” Freddie and his pal, Muggsy, go into the newspaper business with the Daily Freeloader. The target of their editorial attacks is a political boss named O’Bigg, who decides he’ll try to buy off his opposition. 1: Monologue, none. |
| ! |
6/19/1962 |
“Deadeye and the Gunslinger” a repeat of 10/17/1961 |
| |
6/26/1962 |
“Cauliflower Loses His Birds” Cauliflower McPugg’s girlfriend, Rootie, thinks he’s seeing too many birds and takes him to the psychiatrist. But another patient, Mr. Gould, is very interested in McPugg’s birds. In fact, he’s got a few of his own. 1: Monologue, Jokes about boxing. Jokes about psychiatry. 2: Pantomime, What takes place in a small town when a substitute is hired to fill in for a boxer that hasn’t shown up. |
